The Choice is simple.

Here it is, in black-and-white:

I will vote for the presidential candidate who I believe will cause the most physical harm to non-English-speakers.

Bush has killed, and will kill, more dirty foreigners than Kerry would. Therefore Bush wins.

"Stupid Electronics Shell Shock"

That's a lovely term invented by Geoff to describe a condition that is one of the many threats to my fading sanity.

I was playing with the ear thermometer that we sell here, and under the battery cover is a 10-pin connector port and a shorted jumper. And I ask "why?" Calibration? Every other electronic thermometer I've ever seen uses potentiometers for that. Programming? What could they possibly need to program into a device with one function? And why would a thermometer's programming ever need to be updated after construction?

I think it's just a Pointless Extra Feature™. And PEFs are helping drive me crazy.

One day, I'll be in Target or Best Buy (but not Wal-Mart. Never Wal-Mart) and I'll see something with a Pointless Extra Feature, like a coffee maker with a built-in battery charger, and I'm going to explode.

Screw it.

Not worth the effort. Fuck the W3C.

This is a test.

You're probably going to want to go away for a few hours. I'm trying to become XHTML compliant, and I'm having about as much success and as much fun as Sisyphus.

Is this a joke?

If so, it's really fucking lame.

Spy Hunter. The movie. The fucking MOVIE, for Bob's sake!

Sweet Jebus, people, this is the entire goddamn game!

Screenshot by me, using FCE Ultra, which Fails To Suck.

Someone PLEASE tell me how they make a movie out of that? YOU CAN'T! Not without sounding like a complete tool!

Oh well. I should mellow out. It's the universe's 6008th birthday, after all.

Loot... Pillage... Plunder... It's all good.

Did you know the fuel tank capacity of a 4WD 1996 Jeep Cherokee is 20.2 gallons? And if you let the needle dip just below "E," you have 4 gallons left? I found these things out today.

We really need to stop being so humanitarian in Iraq. We should send in overwhelming numbers of soldiers. We have them, and there's no good reason to keep them in Europe any more. If Russia wants it, let 'em have it. They should be used to secure OUR oil fields and pipelines with orders to retaliate with excessively excessive force if they're even sneezed at.
And anyone currently living in the US who has ever been convicted of "war crimes" should be given new command positions.
And we should nuke a city or two, just for fun. Why let a perfectly good nuclear arsenal just sit there when there are damn dirty foreigners who need incinerating?

If killing a few hundred thousand Iraqi women and children can bring gas prices back down by a dime or two, I'm all for it.
In fact, if there was a cost-effective way to process human bodies into automotive fuel, I'd be in favor of that too.

"Amoco Ultimate is PEOPLE!!!"

This is not a subliminable advertisement.

(This blog is Wikipedia-enhanced because I'm really fricking bored.)
I think George W. Bush may be the funniest world leader in history. Let's do a brief review, shall we?

Richard Nixon: Funny looking; in private had all the tact of a drunk longshoreman; more evil than amusing.
Mikhail Gorbachev: A one-joke character with the head-spot thing.
Ronald Reagan: Funny in the same way as a grandparent, but we all felt guilty when he got Alzheimer's.
Napoleon: He was short! Ha ha!
Bill Clinton: He KNEW he was a joke.
Saddam Hussein: The novelty wore off really quick.
Kim Jong-Il: OK, this guy is funny. And he'll keep being funny until he tries to nuke somebody and we turn his country into a glowing desert.
Gerald Ford: Only funny because of Chevy Chase.

But Dubya? I think he may top them all.

And he's still going to win the election next month. Suck it, lefties.


On a totally unrelated note, go read this funny comic involving ninjas.

Here's an equation for you:
Americans > Dirty Foreigners

Human Rights Watch says we're torturing and "disappearing" detainees now.

Well, putting aside the fact that Human Rights Watch is a bunch of dirty hippies and I'd trust them as far as I can throw their headquarters, I say that's great.

My political views are a bit of a contradiction, because I think we need more of some kinds of oppression and less of others. In a nutshell, more oppression that affects dirty foreigners (and old people, and stupid people, and so on...) and less that affects me.

If I could have one Force power...

Do you think Vader needed a visual image to do the remote-choke thing like he did to Admiral Ozzel? Or could he do it with just a voice prompt? Or even with no communicaion at all?
And what's the range on that ability? Probably just a few hundred meters, since Ozzel and Vader were both on the Executor. But it would be really neat if Vader's chambers were at the end of the dorsal "skyline" opposite the bridge. That'd be 10 kilometers or so.
I just wish I could do it to people over the phone.

"Hello, how can I help you?"
"Ah needs a bat-tree for ma phone."
"I can look that up for you, what's the model number of the phone?"
"Ah dunno, tha bat-tree jus says three-dot-six vee."
"Are there any other numbers?"
"Uh, three-oh-oh-M-ay."
"No other numbers?"
"That's alls ah see (GAACK!)"
"I find your lack of intelligence disturbing."
"GAACK! URK! Blehhhh...."
Problem solved.

UCATK Strikes Again

The 9/11 attacks were actually part of the 15-billion-year conspiracy against me.

One of the idiotic laws passed in response to the "terrorist threat" is the new "legal presence" rule at the DMV. This law requires you to have a birth certificate to prove you belong in the US.
In order to get your birth certificate from the Virginia Department of Vital Statistics on the same day, you have to have photo ID.
Bit of a catch-22, innit?

The mind-numbingly stupid part is that you can get a birth certificate by mail for $12 or by FedEx for $50. No ID required.

But the practical result of this law is that The Kip isn't allowed to drive for another fricking week. Belgium to them, I say!

Oh well. Little do they realize that I drive better when I'm not legal. When I have all my papers in order, I get aggressive and arrogant.

Silly Nazis, when will you stop shooting yourselves in the feet? This is just like the radar display trailer that told me to go faster.